What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 03:57
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I have no regrets .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
Taking five minutes a day to do this can improve happiness, study finds - San Francisco Chronicle
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was in good health!
Why is Canada letting too many Indians in Canada?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She married twice! .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Republicans, why do you support Kamala Harris over Donald Trump?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im still living with it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why does it matter so much to atheists that God doesn't exist?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
All the time i was locked up.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I write beautiful poetry .
It was going to be , some day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So, i spoilt her more .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
When she asked me how she looked .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One cannot live in the past .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Put me off passion for life!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was 9 years of age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were not on the streets..
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I said to her
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was scared of men, in general
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What did i know ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We all went to grammer schools
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was very sick at this time too.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I will be 64.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i lived it daily.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She found it foreign!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!